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Writer's pictureClau Solares

Why getting married didn’t remove my loneliness

We want to believe that if we’re married to a good man and have a good marriage, then we shouldn’t ever feel lonely. But is that true? 


When I was single, no matter how many activities I was part of, or how many people I was surrounded by, I couldn’t avoid experiencing waves of loneliness. I kept looking at people getting engaged, and married on social media, and thought to myself, “Once I get married, I will never feel lonely again.”


And how wrong I was.


The thirst that marriage cannot satisfy


When I got married, I moved to a different country, and what was supposed to be the beginning of my happily ever after, turned into a very lonely season in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband deeply, but I was wrong to expect that he could fulfill all of my emotional needs for connection.



Getting married didn't remove my loneliness

As I started a new chapter in a new country, I quickly realized I needed to build a new community. But I also realized, once again, how much I needed God. 


The Bible tells us the story in John 4, about a Samaritan woman who met Jesus during one of her visits to the well during the heat of the day. In the middle of their conversation, Jesus says: “The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband.” (John 4:18)


The woman's life had been marked by a string of disappointing relationships. It's possible that her husbands were all lacking in character, exploiting and abandoning her. Or maybe some or all of them might have been good men who simply couldn't fulfill her expectations for fulfillment.


Whatever the reason was, Jesus wanted to show her that no earthly relationship could fully satisfy her deepest needs. Instead, He offered her "living water," promising to satisfy the deep longing within her—a thirst that her previous relationships had failed to quench.


The Spring of Living Water


The truth is we are all thirsty for love and acceptance, and we can try to satisfy it with people and things like work, hobbies, friends, a partner, or even likes on social media. But we’ll only get true approval from our Father.


Jesus said it best. “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” - John 4:13-14

Even though feeling lonely is painful, it can also be a sweet reminder of how much we need a connection with God, and how we desperately need to drink from His living water. Perhaps He can use our loneliness to woo us and get us thinking and moving in His direction.


In the middle of my loneliness, and the thirst of my heart, I can hear the whisper of God calling me to Him.


And perhaps He is calling you as well.



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